Dear Alex,

happy two month birthday! I can't believe you are already so big. You're so different from the tiny little man we brought home from the hospital who couldn't smile or laugh or follow things with his eyes or flip over or hold his head up, even for a second, or grab things on his own.

You are changing every day. Yesterday, I read you the book Gus the Friendly Ghost, and you really seemed to be getting into it. Before, when I read to you, you didn't really seem to notice, but this time, you looked at the pictures and responded to my voice.

You are changing our lives so much. One unexpected consequence of your arrival in our lives is the constant string of old school gangsta rap songs cycling through my head. You respond really well to that sort of music, so we play it for you often to calm you down. Hey, whatever works... So, today, I am serenading myself with Warren G and Nate Dogg's "Regulators." Yesterday, it was "Juicy" by Biggie. This is a fairly new experience for me, but it's kinda fun. I Just have to make sure I don't start singing aloud at work because the lyrics to those songs are definitely NSFW. In a few months, when you start repeating things, we're going to have to be much more careful about what you listen to, but for now, it seems relatively harmless.

You had your two month checkup today, and the doctor said you were doing great. You had to have four vaccinations, three of which were shots. It was really hard for your Daddy and me to listen to you crying in pain. It was the first time I'd ever heard you cry from pain, and I did not enjoy it. I wanted to be able to make it stop hurting, but all I could do was hold you and snuggle you and tell you everything was ok. I expect this is just the first of many times in your life that I will want to step in and make everything ok for you, but find myself unable to do anything to alleviate the pain. Just know that, no matter what, I'll always be there to tell you that I love you, to hold you and snuggle you and tell you that everything is ok.

Your Daddy says to tell you we love you.

Love,
Mom

2 months, 3 days out of the oven

Dear Alex,

this morning, the only thing I forgot to do before I left the house was brush my hair!  I think I am making real progress on this Mommy business.  I even got about 7 hours of sleep last night, with a brief anti-nap at 3:30 to feed you.

You were 8 weeks old on Monday, and you're just amazing.  You've already grown and changed so much.  You're grabbing at things, you roll from belly to back like a champ, and you are able to hold your head up very well.  The most fun development for me is that you smile now, and you're trying to laugh.  The smiles are incredible.  I keep trying to catch my favorite one on film, but it's an elusive beast.

We are starting to get an idea of your likes and dislikes.  You seem to like dancing, Mythbusters, and Biggie.  (Twice, playing Biggie in the car has taken you from crying to sleep).  You seem not too fond of Tupac and the Pixies.

You had a busy weekend.  You left SC for the first time on Saturday.  We visited your family in GA.  You had a great time with Granny, Grandpa, Aunt ChaCha, and  Uncle Chuck.  You got to meet your Aunt Michele and Uncle Keith.  You seem to adore Granny and Grandpa.  They were making faces at you, and it cracked you up.  You were smiling your face off.  Why don't you do that for me??  It was pretty awesome to watch.

You weren't too keen on the 3 hour car ride though.  We had to stop on the way back to feed you in a parking lot.  On the whole, though, you did great.  We think you may be getting allergies.  You are sneezing and sniffling a bit.  You can thank your Dad for those.

<i>Things Amanda has Learned About Being A Parent #Whatever-Number-I'm-on</i>:  It's not about you anymore.

Every now and then, life likes to remind you that you aren't the center of the universe.  Never will that fact be more clear than it is after you become a parent.  You don't get to be the boss anymore.  Want a bath?  Too bad, baby is hungry.  Want to take a walk and get some of that baby weight off?  Too bad, baby wants to snuggle on the couch.  Want to eat?  Too bad, baby wants to play.  Want to arrive somewhere at a specific time?  Dream on.  You have been demoted.  You are no longer the head honcho.  You are the baby's chief of staff.

<i>Things Amanda Has Learned About Being a Parent #Whatever</i>:  Nothing makes you appreciate your mother like becoming one.

The uninitiated will think I'm referring to the pain of labor, but I'm not.  That experience was so intense and vivid and surreal that it's hard to characterize it as "difficult" or "painful."  No, what I'm talking about is everything that comes next -- those first 5 days when I didn't sleep...  the house I spent watching to see if you were still breathing... I'm talking about the heartbreaking struggle with breastfeeding, the excruciating decision to switch to formula, the sleep deprivation, the worries ... oh, the worries.

Is it too hot for him?

Is it too cold?

Is this swaddle tight enough?

Is it too tight?

Should he be sweating like that?

Why is he scratching himself?

Is that diaper rash?

Can he breathe slumped over like that?

Are his carseat straps too tight?

Is he strapped in tightly enough?

Is the cat going to scratch him?

Will the daycare make sure he sleeps on his back?

Did that guy wash his hands before he touched my baby?

Why isn't he pooping?

Why is he pooping so much?

Why does his poop look like that?

How does he get poop THERE?

Is he sleeping enough?

Is he sleeping too much?

Is he eating enough?

Are we over-feeding him?

What was that sound?

Why is he so quiet?

Is he breathing?

Why won't he burp?

Does he play enough?

Is he happy?

Is he comfortable?

Is he safe?

I'm talking about how immensely your life changes.  I'm talking about the way your heart pulls and stretches to accommodate such a deep love.  The truth is, until you do it yourself, no one can ever adequately describe to you how wonderful or how hard it is to be a parent.  I'm only 8 weeks in, but I can say that for certain.  You are just awesome. 

Love,

Mom

8 weeks, 2 days out of the oven

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