Dear Tootie,

I bought you some clothes yesterday.

I have to say, it's pretty difficult buying gender-neutral clothing. I hope I don't brainwash you into the narrow kind of thinking that says "pink is for girls, and blue is for boys," but honestly, I probably won't put you in a frilly pink tutu if you're a boy. Actually, I probably won't put you in a frilly pink tutu if you're a girl either. A lot of the mainstream baby clothes make me want to vomit a little. I've never really been a fan of pastels. I don't find them cute or sweet. I find them empty and washed out. I like bright, loud colors. Anyway, yesterday's haul consisted of four items -- two that feature owls, one that features a robot, and one that's covered with little stars and says "Mommy Rocks" (she does).

You're evidently the size of a peach now! Fancy that! That's actually even creepier than usual because I have eaten a lot of peaches lately. When you're older, I'll explain to you about how pregnancy affects your digestion and why peaches and pears suddenly become very appealing. Warning: It's grody. Pray you're a boy and won't have to worry about it.

My Drinking Liberally group met tonight, and someone asked me if I worried about the kind of future I am bringing you into. She wasn't asking in the "oh-my-God-how-can-you-have-a-child?" sort of way. She was just genuinely curious, not being a parent. It was an interesting question, and it's one I've thought a lot about. I have to admit to you that we are bringing you into a fairly troubled world. The divide between the upper and lower classes is getting ridiculously large, and I worry that you will have it even harder than your father and I have sometimes had it. I worry that you won't have guaranteed healthcare, and I worry that you'll face the harsh consequences of everything my generation (and those before it) have done to the environment. I worry that the education system will get worse, and you'll spend a lot of time in class without actually learning anything.

But more than all that, I feel confident that you're going to be a good, smart, conscientious person. We may bring you into a tough world, but I think that that world needs you. It will need a lot of thoughtful, compassionate, brave people to help make it better. I promise that your father and I will keep doing everything we can to make it a better place now, and we will do our best to teach you how important it is to keep up the fight yourself. If we can teach you to appreciate wisdom, justice, beauty, and fair play, you will be off to a good start.

Please enjoy the robot and owls. By the time you read this, you will probably have seen a TON of pictures of yourself wearing them. You also have a Ramones onesie, which I bought years ago on a whim. It's bright red.

Love,
Mom

13 weeks, 3 days in the oven