Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Dear Alex,

It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter.  All throughout my pregnancy, I intended to exclusively breastfeed you.  I did not consider any other possible options; I just assumed it would have to work out.  But after weeks of struggling to get our act together, we have made the decision to switch to formula feeding.


It breaks my heart to give you anything but breastmilk, but I have tried everything I can think of.  I have seen 4 lactation consultants, and I have tried several supplementation methods.  I have pumped and pumped to try to get my supply up, and I have struggled to get you latched on properly to feed.  It has become an agonizing ordeal for both of us, and you are not gaining any weight.  The most important thing for me is to make sure that you are fed, and for us, that means you're going to have to be fed formula.


I hope you will understand this decision.  It wasn't one I made lightly, and I have cried my eyes out about it.  I just want what is best for you, but that turns out to be a more complicated thing to define than I anticipated.  I want you to have the best food, but I also want you to have a mother who can keep her head on straight... and I want you to have ENOUGH food.


It's funny.  You come into pregnancy with so many lofty ideals, but you find yourself compromising when you look into the eyes of a child who, after trying to feed for an hour, is still crying for more food.  Please understand that your father and I love you very much, and we will always try to do the best things possible for you, even if that means making some tough, unpleasant decisions.


I love you so much.


Love,

Mom


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